The Very Secret Diary of Lord Voldemort
by Athena2008
Summary: A different take on Lord Voldemort... see what he's really thinking when he's in between evil plots.
1. Part 1: 1991

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any of the characters in this story, nor do I own any characters mentioned in this story. They all belong to the brilliant mind of J.K. Rowling. In addition, all events in this story are based on the events that occurred in the Harry Potter books by J.K. Rowling. Also, many of the ideas in the story are my sister's, as we originally started writing this story together. Some of the entries are my own, but those will come later on.

There are a few concepts in here that some people might not like. Voldemort talks of death and killing very lightly, but, come on, this is Voldemort. Still, if you don't think you'd appreciate that kind of talk very much, I don't know if I'd recommend reading this story.

In addition, there are some references to _The Christmas Carol_, by Charles Dickens, and Disney's _The Emperor's New Groove_.

Sorry for the long disclaimer. Here we go.

Year: 1991

Date: September 22  
I am living in a turban. It is purple and not pleasant smelling. How I am able to write I myself do not know. I do not trust this Quirrel fellow, but I am now closer to Potter. I will get him this year, although Quirrel does seem very weak to me. Whenever we speak, he cowers and sobs.

Date: October 31  
Ah, Halloween. I convinced Quirrel to let a troll into the dungeon to divert everyone's attention while he goes to collect the Sorcerer's Stone. He, of course, was not smart enough to think of this himself. I will later write how my venture goes. I also wonder where my old diary went. With it, I could open the Chamber of Secrets again. Not even Quirrel knows that I was the one to open it.

October 31, (cont.)  
He failed. I knew he would fail. Why did I trust that ugly git? I guess it was not entirely his fault. A greasy-haired fellow stopped him. I believe he was one of my Death Eaters, but because of the smell of this turban, I seem to not be able to recall the fellow's name. Perhaps I will yell at Quirrel. That is always fun. We will try again to get the Stone. Until next time, which may never come because of this horrid smell.

November 10:  
Today we attempted to kill Potter. Quirrel tried to get him off of his broom while he played Quidditch. He, of course, did not succeed. That greasy-haired fellow tried to mutter a counter curse, but I do not know why as I have heard he does not like the Potter family at all. Quirrel will get his, and I will be the one to punish him. His insolence will get the better of him one day; however, he is my only hope as of now to regain my POWER. After I get the Sorcerer's Stone, I will dispose of Quirrel. The plan failed because a bushy-haired young lass knocked down Quirrel as she set fire to the greasy haired fellow's-here after known as Greasy-robes. I believe she thinks that Greasy is the culprit. I will make Quirrel encourage this if anyone else discovers the secret.

November 24:  
Sorry Diary, I have been a bit busy, what with scolding Quirrel about his stupidity at the Quidditch match. I do realize that it was not really his fault, but it is fun to yell at him all the same. Now, today we tried to poison Potter. When I asked Quirrel (who's name I have been spelling incorrectly, although I really do not care) if he was ready with the poison, he responded, "Right, the poison, the poison for Harry, the poison especially chosen to kill Harry, Harry's poison. That poison, right?" I replied, "Yes, that poison, you insolent fool. Now, pour it into his drink." Unfortunately for me, I have Quirrel on my side, and of course, the stupid git did not pour it into Harry's drink, he left the bottle next to his seat. Greasy picked it up and drank it, but it did not kill him because he already had an antidote for it in his dungeon. Well, next time, perhaps. I want REVENGE. And I do not mean on Potter, only, but on Greasy, for leaving me and for DRINKING MY POISON.

Nov. 30  
I do not really know what is happening. The smell of the turban has made everything a bit queasy for me. Greasy seems to be very unhappy. Perhaps he is always like that, but because of the smell, I cannot remember much, as I have said. I will get Greasy. He is becoming very nosy. What is worse is that his nose is very large. Quirrel is being a insolent fool as usual, and he cowers even more. I have spent my days trying to recall Greasy's name with the occasional lecturing of Quirrel. I think I will stop trying for a while, as I have grown quite fond of calling this fellow Greasy. I have also been waiting to get that Potter. His bushy-haired young friend seems to be almost as much of a bother as Greasy. He also has a red-haired young friend. He seems to be scared of me. Good, I like that. That girl is about as smart as Quirrel is dumb, and Greasy is greasy. Well, I must yell at Quirrel some more, so until next time.

December 15:  
Today, I have found yet another target. Actually, I have found two. They are two redheaded young fellows by the names of Fred and George Weasley. They bewitched some snowballs to hit me in the face. I did not like it. Now, they shall pay. They are friends with Potter. They are more targets for me. Oh, and we must never forget Greasy. He is a target as well. I assume that Greasy will be getting a lot of shampoo and conditioner for Christmas. I will be getting Quirrel nothing. I have one very secret confession to make, no one yet knows of this... but I will wait until later.

December 25  
Well, it is Christmas. A time of, ewwww, celebration. Potter stayed at the school with those stupid Weasleys. They had a snowball fight. I made sure Quirrel steered clear of it. I did not want to be attacked again. Potter gave Greasy a Christmas present. It was a bottle of shampoo. I do not think that Greasy liked it very much. When Quirrel and I were walking in the dungeons, the shampoo bottle came and hit me in the head. Another reason to get revenge on Greasy. I do not think that either of them will speak of this, ever. I do not think anyone noticed, but Quirrel and I went into Hogsmeade and Apparated into a far off place called New York. We saw "A Christmas Carol". That Charles Dickens had a brilliant beginning. I loved that Scrooge character, at the beginning. But Dickens is not one for endings. Scrooge became good at the end. What's up with that? Oh no, I am picking up American slang. Perhaps if I yell at Quirrel, I will get my old English back. Now it is time for me to reveal my confession. I like to sing. What do you think I do when Quirrel is teaching? I do enjoy yelling at him, but I do have manners. I will not yell at him in front of his class.


	2. Part 2: 1992

Well, here's the next part! I hope you enjoy it!

Dracofan, I did post this on the Harry Potter message boards. I thought that I would post it here as well, and get some new readers.

Please review! I know I get a lot of hits, and I would love to hear what you have to say about this story.

One other thing before the disclaimer. I realize that poking fun at Voldemort does seems a bit... hmmm... morbid, I guess would be the word. I don't, in the slightest, think that what Voldemort does is something to condone. For that matter, it's certainly not something to make fun of. He's a horrible person, and really, there's nothing funny about him. It's sort of hard to justify, but I want everyone to know that this story isn't meant to make light on any situation that has to do with Voldemort or the war in the wizarding world.

With that, I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, and I do not own any of the events that occurred in the book. There are some things in here that are my own.

Well, read and enjoy! And PLEASE review!

* * *

Date: Jan. 6  
Those pesky kids are back. Why cannot they leave me in peace? Oh yes, this is a school. Greasy does not seem to like it either. Well, I will be giving Quirrel another chance to get Potter during Quidditch again. Greasy has volunteered to referee this match. I wonder what he is up to. He is always in my way. Oh well. I have spent my time carefully planning out what to do with Quirrel. After a tedious 144 hours of explaining, I think he has finally got it. We will wait until the Quidditch match to get Potter. Now, I have been writing a new song. I will sing it during Potter's class. You might wonder why no one can hear me. If I knew this, I would probably also know Greasy's real name. Well, I must go torture that stupid git.

Jan. 10  
Today we wanted to get Potter at the Quidditch match again. Unfortunately, that old fool Dumbledore was there. We did not do anything while he was around. After the match, Quirrel and I went to the Forbidden Forest. Greasy followed us there. I thought he wanted to invite us back to the castle for tea, but instead he threatened Quirrel. He told Quirrel to decide where his loyalties lie. Greasy-what is his name?- does not seem to like me. I do not know why. Perhaps it is because I killed many people and put much of the Wizarding World in distress. I do love the way my mind works. Anyway, you probably know what I will go do now, so I will not write it here.

Jan. 23  
I do not know why, but Potter keeps smiling at Quirrel, and his red-headed Weasley, stupid family, friend keeps sticking up for the insolent fool. Not Potter, though he is one, but Quirrel. Last night, we went to a pub. I would have left Quirrel behind, but let us face it. I am kind of attached to his head. We met that git of a gamekeeper, Hagrid. I think I got him into trouble once at school, but of course, I do not really remember. Anyway, Quirrel, wearing an ugly cloak, bought Hagrid some drinks and finally got out of him how to get past his dumb three-headed dog. Ha-ha-ha. It seems that they are protecting the Sorcerer's Stone with some charms and spells as well. Greasy is becoming bitterer by the day. It seems that he has not been using the many bottles of shampoo and conditioner he received for Christmas. I would attempt to help him with this particular complex, but I do not care for him in the least. And I would not be able to call him Greasy any longer if he did wash his hair.

It is my birthday. Happy Birthday to me. I will go sing to myself for a while and then give myself a birthday present. Of course, it will be a yelling session for three hours with Quirrel.

April 12,  
Nothing much has happened since my birthday. I did a little yelling at Quirrel (I use the term little very loosely) and wrote five new songs. I have been singing them a lot, as I am very bored. I have a plan to kill Potter. I will "turn him into a flea, a harmless little flea. Then I'll put that flea in a box. Then I'll put that box in another box. Then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives, a-ha-ha-ha, I'll smash it with a hammer. Or to save on postage, I'll poison him." Oh wait. I tried that once and it did not work, because Greasy just had to drink the poison. Oh, well, I have a lot of free time, as Quirrel teaches all of those annoying children. I will get him yet. And his little friends too. Oh, and Greasy as well.

May 2,  
I hear many things on the back of Quirrel's head. This time it was important, though the fact that Greasy fancies someone, I will not say who, was quite interesting. I have found out that Potter is very dumb, which is not new news. He sneaked into the Astronomy Tower after his curfew and got caught. He has detention in the Forbidden Forest. Perhaps I will be able to kill him there, as long as Quirrel does not act stupidly. Oh, dear, we will fail for sure. I need unicorn blood anyway. Quirrel will drink it for me. He is such a spineless jellyfish. Perhaps it is because I am ruthless. I do really like me. My yelling session with Quirrel was cut short because Greasy just had to talk to Quirrel. I think it was about Quirrel's loyalties, but the smell in this turban was making me queasy, as Quirrel put it on too tightly. Another thing added to my list of reasons to get revenge on Greasy.

May 3,  
Today we will get Potter. He has detention in the Forbidden Forest tonight. I need unicorns' blood. We will meet Potter and his little, ugh, friends in the forest. Perhaps I will be able to get all of them, including that insolent fool- I do realize that many people are insolent fools- Hagrid. Who needs friends? What we need are people who fear us. Greasy fears me, probably because I want to kill him. No, wait, he does not know that. Well, maybe it is my ruthlessness. Ha-ha-ha. I like myself. That insolent fool, Quirrel, is as dumb as ever. Perhaps Potter's annoying bushy-haired friend can spare some of her brain for him. I believe her name is Hermione. She is a mudblood. I hate mudbloods, among other things. Number one on my list is Potter, closely followed by Greasy, and then that redheaded family of insolent fools. I also hate pretzels. They make me sick. Just looking at them makes me queasy, as many things do. Potter is number one on the list of things that make me queasy. He is closely followed by Greasy's hair, and then the smell of this turban. I do wonder what that is. Anyway, pretzels are very ugly to look at. They are tied in knots, and the salt tastes foul. I believe I have been getting off the subject. A few hours with Quirrel will get me back on track. Perhaps I should be nice to him today, as he is sharing his body with me. No, I like the way things are.  
P.S. I am still upset that Greasy has not invited me for tea.

May 4,  
Last night, we, of course, failed miserably. It was pretty much a normal night. We killed a unicorn, drank its blood, we are cursed. Same as usual. Oh, and I have found yet another target. This time, it is a centaur, by the name of Firenze. He almost ran over me. Oh, and Quirrel too, but no one really cares about that. Potter got away with that insolent fool of a centaur's help. After he chased Quirrel, that spineless jellyfish, scared of a huge, towering centaur, we went to hide in the trees nearby and watch. The centaur told Potter about me. How did he know? Perhaps Quirrel told someone while I was singing. I do not know. Potter does still seem to think that Greasy wants the Stone, but for me, not for himself. I spend my days plotting how to get that Greasy, occasionally interrupted by the urge to remember his name. I was going to ask Quirrel, but then I thought that my time is better spent yelling at him. Why Greasy would have wanted the Stone I do not know, as I do not see why he would want to live more than he has to.

May 6,  
We will soon venture into the trapdoor to get the Stone. I am becoming very impatient with Quirrel, as his blunders never seem to stop. Today, he taught a class. How stupid of him. Why would he do something like that? Oh, yes, he is a teacher, and that was his smallest blunder. Oh, wait, that was not horrible, as I have managed to get into the castle with his help. Greasy has been following us. I do not think that anyone has noticed. Today, he threw a piece of chalk at me. It hurt. I was not happy. But I do think I have a plan to kill Greasy. The only problem is that I need to know his name. What is it? Perhaps it is time for me to ask Quirrel, except that the only way I can spend my time when he is teaching those insolent fools is by trying to recall Greasy's name, and of course, singing. I have one more reason to kill Greasy but it will not be the last reason. Yesterday, I saw him eating a pretzel. Ugh. It was the most sickening thing I have ever known. Well, apart from the smell in this turban. Well, until next time. I am going to sing a song now. No, wait. Quirrel is not teaching at the moment. I will go yell at him.

* * *

More to come, concerning the Sorceror's Stone, and then there's a lot of entries after Wormtail rejoins Voldemort. And if you think Quirrel's bad, wait until you see Wormtail...

Please review!


	3. Part 3: Year 1992, part 2

Sorry this took so long to add. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or events that occurred in the Harry Potter books. Those are from the great mind of J.K. Rowling.

* * *

June 4:

I cannot wait any longer. It is time to go get the stone. I will go tonight. Quirrel will come as well, as he is attached to my head. He is grading papers at the moment. It seems that a young man named Goyle received horrible marks. He is as dumb as his father. I will get the Stone. Ah, Quirrel is done. Time to go...We just got past the Devil's Snare with ease. We are now finding the key to open the door. Ow. Oh, there it is. Okay, now on to the chess game. Well, we did not have to play our way through. Quirrel was eyeing the Queen, so the King let us pass. Greasy has not been following us. He may be washing his hair finally. No, that is not possible. He is probably scared of the dog, as it did bite him once. Now we are trying to get past a troll. It smells as foul as this turban. Oh, Quirrel knocked it out. Now we are trying to figure out a riddle. I believe it was written by Greasy. It has grease stains on it. I will make Quirrel clean it. I better do it. Quirrel could not solve a riddle if his life depended on it, which it does. Ah, I have it. I do not know how it tastes. Ah, the fire we are walking through is not hot. It is time to get the stone. HA-HA-HA.

June 4 (cont.):  
Okay, we're here. We are looking into the mirror. We will get the Stone soon. It will come. Any second now. Come on you insolent fool of a Stone. Oh wait; I need it to regain my POWER. Nice Stone. Come to me, please. Oh, I hate being this polite. I WILL HAVE POWER. I will murder that insolent fool of a Potter and his little friends too. I will start with Potter, followed closely by Greasy, then those red headed twins who hit me with snowballs, then that bushy-haired lass, then that other red-headed insolent fool. I decided it would not be a good idea to kill Quirrel until I get my body back. So, the stone will be coming into Quirrel's hand soon. Any second now. Oh, I should have brought a book. I hear Lord of the Rings is pretty good. That Sauron could never beat me though. He would tremble at my feet. And all that trouble for a ring. Not to mention those insolent fools of Hobbits. Well, it seems I am off track. Any second. Oh, great. Here comes Potter. How nice of him. I do not have to make the trip to kill him. What? Nine months on the back of Quirrel's head has made me lazy. Well, I must go deal with Potter. Ah, fresh air. I cannot wait. Potter seems to have gotten the Stone into his pocket. Now, he is lying to Quirrel. I may not have good manners, but I should think that Potter would, under the nose of that insolent fool, Dumbledore. Now it is time for me to meet Potter.

June 4 (cont.),  
So here is Potter. Yes. Potter. He is cringing. I do not know why. Perhaps it is because I am on the back of someone's head. Well, I also see that Potter got the Stone. He tried to hide it from Quirrel. And the insolent fool fell for it. So, I, of course, had to take manners into my own hands (a figure of speech, of course). I caught Potter and talked to him for a while. He is certainly dull, as well as an insolent fool. He is making me queasy, much like pretzels do. Ugh, that doughy, salty, knotty... oh wait. I am supposed to be talking to Potter. I have tried to restrain myself from mentioning that he makes me queasy, like pretzels do. Ugh, that doughy, salty, knotty... oh, no, not again. What's up with that? Oh, dear. That trip to New York was not a good idea. Another reason to dispose of Quirrel. Oh, wait. I only have a list of reasons to dispose of Greasy. I think I will start a list of why I should dispose of Quirrel. I think Potter has realized that Greasy is not the one who was trying to get the Stone. He seems rather upset about that. I wonder why. But, no matter. I can dispose of him, and I am rambling on uselessly. So, Quirrel tried to touch Potter, but his skin burned. No big loss of course. Then Quirrel, being the insolent fool that he is, got himself touched by Potter and burned even more of his skin. Oh, my. Why did enlist his assistance? I could have asked Greasy or Potter. Oh, wait. That would not have been a good idea, either. I am bored. I will write more after I succeed in regaining my POWER.

June 5,

I am devastated for many reasons. Not only did I fail to get the Stone and kill Potter, but I also found out many disturbing things. The nauseating smell in this turban is actually me. I have also found out that I have not been writing this diary at all. I have been dictating it and Quirrel has been writing it down for me. Perhaps I should not have said all of those mean things to him. Oh wait; I do not have to feel bad, as I said those things to his face numerous times. He is the greatest insolent fool on this planet. See, I can be nice. I said he was the greatest. Wait, I finally remembered it. Greasy's real name is... oh, great. I forgot it again. Anyway, I am using the last ounce of our strength to dictate this. Quirrel is dying. I would not mind, except for the fact that I am still attached to him. I do not, of course, mean emotionally, but physically. I do not think I will ever have a servant as insolent as Quirrel. I will go somewhere far away and wait. Wait for the time when I can regain POWER. Maybe one of my Death Eaters, who is not such an insolent fool, will come and find me, and help me. Oh, I have no hope. And the most disturbing thing of all is not the fact that I may never regain a body, or the fact that my number one enemy was saved by that insolent fool, Dumbledore. Not even that I did not get a chance to kill Greasy. It is also not the fact that I did not get to finish The Lord of the Rings. What happens? Is the ring destroyed? That would be almost as bad an ending as that play I saw. But, I am most interested in knowing what happened with Arwen and Aragorn. They made almost as cute a couple as Quirrel and that queen in the chess game. No, the most disturbing thing is the fact that the only thing left to sustain us, even for a few hours, is this measly, disgusting pretzel.

* * *

I hope you liked the Quirrel portion. Don't worry! It's not over yet. There's a lot of Wormtail to come. Please **read and review**, so that you can experience Voldemort's Wonderful World of Wormtail. 


	4. Part 4: Year 1994, part 1

A/N: Thanks so much for all of the wonderful reviews! Sorry for the huge gap between additions here. It's been crazy with school and everything, but I've got some free time, so I thought that I'd update this. I'll probably add more this weekend too. But please read and review! We're on to the Wormtail stuff! (Oh, and I know that the song's a little weird, but hey, this entire story is, really)

I would also like to note that these posts are pre-6th book, so if there are some discrepancies, that's why. Pretty much, no Horcruxes or anything like that are mentioned (but then, I could always just say that Voldy doesn't remember that he even made those, right? He is quite senile in this fic)

Disclaimer: Since we're starting a new saga of the story, I would just like to say that a majority of these characters (meaning pretty much everyone but the squirrels) are the property of J.K. Rowling. I do not own them, and I do intend to sell/ publish this story. In addition, I would like to recognize that my sister did help with some of the ideas for this story.

* * *

Year: 1994

July 2,  
I am not living in a turban. I do, however, still smell that horrid smell I smelled two years ago. I wonder what that was. Oh, yes, it was me. I have another servant now, just as insolent as that Quirrel fellow. He came back to me because he is running from his old friends who know he betrayed that Potter fellow and his wife to me. I remember killing them, but I cannot remember why. What's up with that? Oh, no. Oh, those Americans. I shall never forgive Quirrel for taking me to that awful play. What ever happened to that Quirrel? Oh, yes. I left him to die two years ago. I do still love the way my mind works. I wonder how Greasy is doing. I do hope he washed his hair, but I doubt it. And I do hope Potter is not well. I still want revenge on his insolent friends, the Weasleys. So, this Wormtail fellow. I do think he is a bad influence on me. And he has no loyalty. I do realize that he is writing this all down, as I still am not able to do so, but that is all right. I do not know a lot of things, such as why he is a bad influence, or why I still cannot remember anything, as I am not living in a turban at the moment and I never want to again. I also do not know why I still smell like this. Perhaps this is the reason Wormtail keeps cringing. Well, it is the top of my reasons to get revenge on Wormtail. I like my lists. They are my best friends. Who needs friends? I most certainly do not. I only need those who fear me. Although, I could use some people who fear me who are not as insolent as Quirrel or this Wormtail.

July 4,  
Those Americans with their fire works. You can hear them even here. What's up with that? Insolent fool, that Quirrel was. If Wormtail so much as suggests taking a trip to the United States, I will blast him with my wand on the spot. Oh, wait. I cannot exactly hold a wand. There's another thing for my list of reasons to get revenge on Potter. But, this makes that list longer than the one for reasons to get revenge on Greasy. That won't do. What are other things to go on that list? Let's see. I do not like his black robes. Actually, black is my favorite color and I do like black robes, but that list just has to be longer. Ah, perhaps we should send Greasy to a far off tropical place, where he can get some sun for that pale skin of his. And, perhaps there will be a specialist for his hair problem. Actually, I do not think that anyone can fix his problem, except perhaps a shampoo manufacturer. Of course, that fellow would have to sell all of the shampoo he made in his factory just to get all of the grease out of Greasy's hair once, which would mean that Greasy would have no more shampoo and the problem would just repeat itself. I knew Potter should have sent instructions with that shampoo bottle he sent Greasy for Christmas two years ago. How I remember this but not what happened five minutes ago I do not know. If I did, I would probably also know Greasy's real name, though I've really stopped trying to remember it, as I have grown quite fond of calling him Greasy. Recently, I have had to deal with a problem concerning some aliens who seem to love pretzels, ugh, and worship Greasy. Now that is very disturbing, that anyone would want to worship that insolent fool. I wonder how Potter and his, ugh, friends are doing. I expect that that bushy haired young lass is doing quite well, as she is intelligent. Ah, intelligence. I have not seen much of it as I spend most of my time with Wormtail and the abandoned pretzel cart across the street. I will find a way to get part of her brain for Wormtail after I regain my POWER. I must go now and work on my plans. Right after tea, of course. Wormtail has baked some delicious biscuits, but I do think he has not realized that I cannot eat them. Ah, well. Another reason to get revenge on him.

July 6,  
We met a woman. She was helpful. I killed her. I do not remember her name, but she told me about the Quidditch World Cup and a plan to reinstate the Triwizard Tournament. I have been devising a plan in between my yelling sessions with Quirrel. Oh, I mean Wormtail. She told me another thing. She said that one of my loyal servants is alive. I do believe it is not Greasy, as he is not loyal to me. I will use him to kill Potter. And, if in the process, I happen to get Greasy, it is no huge loss. Ahaha. This Wormtail fellow is not a good cook. After he burned our dinner, which I cannot eat anyway, he did a foul thing. He went out and bought a pretzel to eat. Then, he ate it in front of me very slowly. I yelled at him for three hours about that. Yes, I do still enjoy yelling. I still do not forgive that Wormtail for ever being friends with a Potter, and I have my reasons. I will get him one of these days, as that fact of his school-day friends is on my list of reasons to get revenge on Wormtail. That, as well as the pretzel incident.

July 10,  
Today, I did many things. I formulated a plan, yelled at Wormtail, wrote a song, yelled at Wormtail, established new lists, yelled at Wormtail, threw up at the sight of a pretzel, yelled a Wormtail, started a letter to Greasy, yelled at Wormtail, plotted world domination, and yelled at Wormtail. I do believe that I am missing something. Oh, yes, I yelled at Wormtail. I know I do not normally write my songs in my diary, but this explains my day better than my dictating it would. So here it is:

_I am the superpower who lives to see Potter DIIEEEEEEEEEEEE.  
I am the master, I am the master, I am the master of the world.  
I am the best man to bring an end to Greasy and you may ask WHYYYYYYYYYYY.  
I am the master, I am the master, I am the master of the world.  
That Dumbledore, will see no more of the world that he KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWS.  
And those redheaded twins will not hit me in the head when it SNOWWWWWWWWWWWWWS.  
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?  
I am the master, I am the master, I am the master of the world.  
I am the master, I am the master, I am the master of the world.  
I am the master of the WORLLLLLLLLLDDDDDDDDD. Yeah!  
_

I do realize that that song had nothing to do with my day, but I wanted to share it with you, my only friend. Who needs friends? Certainly not me.

July 11,  
I and Wormtail have been busy for a few days now. By singing my song for him, I did a good thing. Little did I know that Wormtail is quite the dancer, and he choreographed a dance to go with my song? We practice it often, me singing and Wormtail dancing. It was great. Yes, well, getting back to business, I yelled at Wormtail for dancing incorrectly yesterday. He stepped on his heel, instead of gliding on his toes. Oh, how many times do we have to go through that sequence for him to get it perfectly? So, I got a snake the other day. No big deal, since I can talk to them. I do believe that Wormtail does not like it when I talk to snakes because it frightens him. Her name is Nagini. I believe that Potter is also a Parselmouth. Well, after he is dead, I will be the only Parselmouth in the world, unless of course someone else is a Parselmouth, in which case I will not be the only one. For clarification, since I am dictating this to an insolent fool, who probably does not have the brain capacity to comprehend this, I will kill Potter. Oh, and the fact that he is a Parselmouth is another reason for revenge on Potter. I will of course, add this to my list of reasons to get revenge on Potter. That list is getting to be very long, almost as long as the one for getting revenge on Greasy. I did add another thing to that list as well. This has to do with my recurring nightmare. This is something I can only reveal to you, my diary. Oh, yes, and Wormtail, as he is writing it, but I do not think he will understand what I am saying. In this nightmare, I see Greasy, eating a pretzel. Why, oh why, do my dreams have to be so horrid? Well, now I have to yell at Quirrel, I mean Wormtail, and see if he can get that sequence correctly. Perhaps I shall have Nagini scare him a bit, so he gets that part. I do like my mind. And it never gets tiresome, saying that all of the time.

July 12,

My lists seem to be accumulating rapidly. Speaking of which, I have yet another reason to get revenge on Wormtail. That insolent fool brought in that abandoned pretzel cart. I can see the giant pretzel picture now. He said that it might get cold out there all alone. Who cares? It's a pretzel cart. What is more important to him: my great self, who has given him a shelter in his time of need though he abandoned me all of those years when I was powerless to do anything though he swore his loyalty to me and only came back to hide from his friends. That insolent, insolent fool. Sorry, I was getting off subject there. Or the abandoned, ugh, pretzel cart. Whenever I see that pretzel cart, I become queasy, and I am reminded of the other thing that makes me very queasy. Not Potter, though he is sickening, but, of course, Greasy, whose real name I still do not know. I really do not care anymore because it is so much fun calling him Greasy. I was thinking about calling Wormtail Wormy, or maybe Petie rat face, but Wormy is too cute, as the Americans would say, and Petie rat face is too long to say every single time I mention him. Wormtail will suffice until I find something more suitable. I am still planning the death of Potter, of course. No day would be complete without thinking about that for at least an hour. You know, if this whole conquering the world and killing the Muggles thing does not work out, I can always fall back on advertising. I hate those door-to-door salespeople, always bugging you at a time that makes you want to hit them in the face. That or kill them. Well, you see, my wand was right there and he was so annoying. Oh, I believe I am getting off subject again. Anyway, Wormtail and I must plan our next song-dance seq- I mean the death of Potter, Greasy, and that redheaded family, and getting that bushy-haired lass's brain for Wormtail. And, of course I need to yell at Wormtail. Perhaps I should be nice to him, as it is his birthday. No, I think I will be even meaner, as a gift, to show that I am merciless. Now, excuse me. I shall watch Nagini pick some wildflowers, I mean, uh, uh... no, she is picking wildflowers.

July 17,  
I learned a very disturbing fact about Wormtail. He used to sell pretzels door-to-door. Another thing for my list of reasons to get revenge on Wormtail. I have been plotting about how I will kill Potter. I would kill him at the Quidditch Cup, but that would be a bit too obvious. Not that I am scared of those insolent fools at the Ministry, or anything like that. I just want to, uh, think things through first. However, I have a brilliant plan. The plan is to, oh, oh, wait, oh, I forgot it. No, no, no, wait, I remember. No, I thought I had it there for a second. Ah, I will use one of my loyal Death Eaters (of, course; this is definitely not Wormtail or Greasy). He will be positioned at Hogwarts, and he will lure Potter to me. How? He will enter Potter in the Triwizard Tournament. Ha, ha, ha. That pretty much says everything. Actually, judging by the look on Wormtail's face, I maybe it does not. He will lead him through it, and make sure Potter touches the Triwizard Cup first, so that he is transported to me (the cup will be a Portkey) and I may kill him so that I can regain my POWER. Ha, ha, ha. I have been laughing a lot more these day. Perhaps it is because I am happy. No, that can't be it. Perhaps it is because Nagini picked me some lovely flowers.  
Tonight, we will be leaving to go to that servant's house. I will need a competent servant for this journey, which means that I am doomed, because I have Wormtail. But once I arrive at that servant's house, I will be one step closer to regaining POWER.  
Oh, now I know why I am so happy. It is because I wrote a new song today, and I like it very much. Oh, and the flowers Nagini picked me, of course.


End file.
